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My Son Thinks He's Gay

A mother asks:

My 16-year-old son is severely lacking social skills. He has no friends, makes inappropriate, embarrassing comments and has no athletic interests. He has been chatting online to a teenager in the UK. (I hope he's a teenager, that is.) The problem is that now my son thinks that he is gay like the UK teen. Should I let him continue this interchange or cut it off?

Michele Novotni answers:

Rather than emphasizing whether or not to try to cut off his interchange, an important, longer term question would be, "How can I help him improve his social skills." Social competence is one of the primary determinants of adult success.

Social competence is one of the primary determinants of adult success.

Many people with poor social skills find the Internet a great source of social interaction because it provides access to a wide range of people and you have the ability to take your time to formulate responses. Some people also find comfort in the acceptance they find on the net.

I recommend that you try to identify the social skills that he is lacking and work with him on gaining the needed skills or obtain the help of a psychologist or coach to help him improve his social skills. He may also benefit from the help of a psychologist in sorting out his social difficulties and his questions regarding his sexual orientation.

By improving his social skills, he would be able to open a wider range of options for friends and he may not see homosexuality as his only form of social connection. This strategy would hopefully provide a long-term solution to the problem.